A new litany

I regret how bad I've been lately at keeping up with this blog -- now that we've all settled in things seem too normal to write about.  Once I figure out what to write about (hopefully by Wednesday), I'll do so; in the meantime, I've been composing a prayer in my head during my bus rides that I'm going to share here.  In many ways a reflection on St. Thomas Aquinas's Student's Prayer and very heavily influenced by Bonhoeffer (we're reading Life Together as a community).

The Activist’s Prayer

I am capable.

I am strong and equipped for the work set before me.

I am not called to the impossible task of making things perfect,

But I am called to try anyway.

I recognize that I am sometimes disappointed – in myself, in others, in everything –

And I recognize that all I can do is turn these things over to God.

I pray for God’s intercession in the world

And, in doing so, see all things in the light of Christ’s redeeming love.

I pray for us, not for them.

I am happy because of God’s infinite, perfect love,

Which is so abundant and beautiful that even the rocks and trees proclaim it.

I am joyful even when I am not happy

Because of the divine Spirit that pours forth from every human heart,

Including my own.

I am thankful for my burden

Because I know that my reward is not waiting for me in a distant heaven,

But present with me in my daily life.

I am so thankful for Christ’s love that I gladly and constantly submit to God’s will

And praise God in everything I do.

I pray these things in the name of Christ Jesus,

Who has forgiven my uncountable sins

And turned my weeds into flowers.

May the words of my mouth,

The meditation of my heart,

And the work of my hands

Be acceptable to you oh Lord, my Rock and Redeemer.

Social Justice Hero!

Instead of a regular Wednesday blog post, I'm bringing you an article from the Grassroots Leadership blog on our Social Justice Hero of the Month, Caroline Isaacs of the American Friends Service Committee!

http://www.grassrootsleadership.org/blog/2012/11/social-justice-hero-caroline-isaacs/

Law and Justice

Sarah, Eric, and I got home from our whirlwind trip to Tucson on Monday afternoon.  We went as a Borderlinks delegation with other YAVs from the Southwest to learn about immigration issues and cross over into the Mexican half of the city of Nogales.  While it was energizing to see our YAV friends and really helpful to contextualize my work, the trip overall was physically and psychologically  taxing.  I'm still processing the trip and will probably revisit it in future blog posts; there is just too much to unpack all at once.  Seeing firsthand what I usually only view from behind a computer screen hit me really hard.

The question that I can't avoid is one that came up when we reflected as a group -- should we even try to abide by the law when it contradicts our values?

If you haven't guessed by now, I take a very liberal stance on immigration issues.  At the heart of everything I do is my strong belief that all of God's children are equal, regardless of where they are born.  According to my faith, US immigration policy runs counter to Christ's command to reflect God's love by welcoming the stranger.  Simply put, our laws are unjust.  But I don't know if I would have the courage to break them.

If you found a migrant in the desert, what would you do?  Would you give him food and water and then turn your back?  Turn him in to Border Patrol knowing that you were sending him back to violence and dire poverty?  Drive him to safety and, in doing so, risk fifteen years in prison?

I wish I could say that I would flaunt federal law in the service of my brother in Christ, but I know that until the opportunity arises I can't be sure.  In the meantime, I'll be behind my desk trying to make a difference in legal ways.

Lists and lists and lists

I have a long history of being disorganized.  Iconically, in sixth grade, my math teacher asked me to show her my planner everyday after class because I never seemed to know what was going on.  Of course, since she never told me to stop (or she did and I didn't write it down), I kept doing so until the end of the year and didn't find out until my senior year of high school that she took my ignorance to mean I was extra dedicated.

At my boss's wise urging, I finally got a real adult day planner, although it took me awhile because I kept forgetting.  Lists keep popping up all over my life -- I send out a schedule of my work week every Monday, keep spreadsheets of journalists and Public Information Requests, curse myself when I go to the grocery store without a list and end up buying all the wrong things.  They've even spilled over into my spiritual life; my Tuesday night Bible study made lists of five things Christians do, and each member of AYAVA house is starting a Benedictine-style schedule of prayers (I'm including both of them after the jump).

I never really thought of God as a "list-person," not that God would really have to be, being omniscient and all.  Watching organizational skills play into my spiritual life is exciting, although unexpected.  Turns out I should have listened to my parents for all those years (who would have thought!).

Joshua 1:8

"Never stop reciting these teachings. You must think about them night and day so that you will faithfully do everything written in them. Only then will you prosper and succeed."


I got a double retrospective this week: my parents visited over the weekend and I spent the last 23 hours in Sarasota, FL, where I started college.  And it was doubly strange to look back on the various ways I had expected my life to turn out compared to how it is now.  I didn't graduate from the school I wanted to, I don't live where I wanted to, I don't have the job I wanted.
I had a couple conversations with old friends about who is doing well, who is successful.  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to hear people cite money or a career (or at least a chance at one; we're in our early twenties, after all).  I'd like to think that success is more philosophical, less quantifiable, but I can't give a solid definition.  I want success for me to include an active role serving God's people, a healthy community, a life stable enough to raise a family, and eventually the family to go along with it.
Honestly, I'm not sure if I'd count myself as successful, even by my very loose definition.  My current position isn't sustainable -- it only lasts for a year -- and I certainly don't have anywhere near the resources to support anyone but myself (and I can just barely do that).  But I want to think of myself as successful, not just someone floating through life.  Does it count if you're only on your way to "success"?  Can success mean following God's path, even if that path leads somewhere most people, or for that matter anyone, wouldn't classify as successful?
I hope you'll all pray for me as I grapple happily with these questions and maybe give me some guidance.
Peace of Christ!

Internal Happy Dance

Last week, we found out at Grassroots Leadership that the bid by GEO Group to privatize the Kerrville State Hospital has been rejected by the Texas Department of State Health Services.  The battle isn't totally over -- the rider in the last legislative budget that instructed DSHS to look into reducing costs at a hospital by 10% is still there -- but this is still a major step forward for us.

It's amazing to me that I got to experience an actual victory so early in my YAV year; at orientation we talked a lot about how few and far between actual, tangible results can be in this type of work.  I came into this job expecting to be part of stemming the tide or pushing back what's already happened, knowing that something like this might not happen at all.

What ended up surprising me the most was with how little fanfare it actually happened.  While there have been a flurry of celebratory email, tweets, and Facebook posts, most of my day went entirely as usual.  So instead of popping open a bottle of champagne with some activists, I've been doing an internal prayer/squeal/happy-dance since about 11 this morning.

And, of course, the work never stops.  I still have to get private prisons abolished by July!

God's Eye is on the Sparrow

     Why should I be discouraged?  Why should the shadows come?
     Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home?
     When Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He --
     His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Only in the last few weeks has it really hit me how far I am from anything I've known.  It's so easy to see all the difficult parts of what I'm doing -- I'm emotionally and physically distant from everything familiar, I'm trying to do work I've never done before, I'm spiritually challenged day in and day out -- and sometimes it's hard for me to see the bright spots.

Luckily for me, the victories have been coming in droves.  Recently I heard from my pastor in Birmingham that three churches in the city have made hugely generous donations to my mission.  First Pres of Birmingham, Mountain Brook Presbyterian Church, and Independent Presbyterian Church have provided so much to me that I'm entirely done with fundraising.

So I've been singing this song to myself all week -- Why should I be discouraged?  His eye is on the sparrow.